After about eighty cups of coffee, twelve passive-aggressive emails, sixteen aggressive-aggressive slack messages, two midlife crisis, and three mental breakdowns I have decided to change my job title from Data Analyst to Data Librarian

Why? Primarily because I already wear glasses, I'm gay, and have the drinking problem pre-installed but also because I'm sick and tired of being held accountable for the data.

It's not my kid. Not my problem.

Customers hold the following fallacies:

• The data they are after exists full stop.
• The data they are after exists in one location with no manipulation needed.
• The data they are after is not compromised in any way.
• A packet of biscuits are an acceptable thing to bring to a shared morning tea.

And because they hold these fallacies, when the data fails me like a father going out to get cigarettes, I get the blame.

It's not fair. Data sucks - why do you think the world is filled with so much disappointment? If everyone had good data...shit👏would👏get👏done.

Instead it's 2pm and I've written my eighth 'as per my last email' for the day.

So I'm changing my job title to Data Librarian, because like a Librarian I'm not responsible for what's in the data, I'm responsible for housing it and giving you vague directions in order to locate it.

You don't blame the Librarian because Moby Dick wasn't an autobiography about American Singer / Song Writer Moby's genitals. You deal with it and move on with your weird fetish.

That's the same respect I should be getting at work.

No we don't have data on the moons weather, piss off.

No I can't give you a list of people that might become customers, jog on.

No for the 17th time, the data is incomplete, build a bridge...and jump off it.

Now leave me be, I need to change my Linkedin

Photo by Eli Francis on Unsplash